I write about narcissism a lot. Haven’t published that shit here yet… there’s been a lot going on… but I’m in the safest place I have right now (a home away from home–wherever that is–the way things have transpired, I’m actually homeless right now, in a class privileged way–but I digress)
I’m going to write something about narcissism now because i realized something that occurs to me as vitally, life-or-death-level important, on like…. a planetary scale:
We need to have compassion for narcissists. But in their case, we must turn that compassion for them back towards ourselves.
There is a mistake a lot of us make when we have internalized abuse as normal, and relationships with people like this as just how our life is, and it’s that familiar daily dose of poison: “NOBODY IS DISPOSABLE EXCEPT FOR ME.”
Cut that bullshit out like a cancer because it will take hold of everything good and vital within you and beyond you and keep it alive (barely) but only to keep sucking the juice out.
Here’s the thing: we ALL have the capacity for narcissism. It’s an understandable, reactive way to cope with a certain (and dizzyingly pervasive) mix of horrors. It’s what happens when your whole messy living human-ness is denied and starved to death–or submission–and the evil you’re swimming in creeps in.
Nature abhors a vacuum and Narcissism is opportunistic…..parasitic. It will fill the corners of you that you cut off and don’t face. Ultimately narcissism is a process that is antithetical to life. It’s the final shudder of death when the truth of you is systematically snuffed out. You are replaced with a monster in your own skin.
Okay this got rambly. My point is that, in cases of narcissistic presence (and they’re everywhere, in all of us, at some point or another so get off your high horse) the best way to show compassion for the narcissist ISSSSSS to show compassion for–SURPRISE–yourself and your community (assuming you or yours–and therefore yours or you–are the target/victim.) Because HERE’S THE THING: a narcissist will not afford themselves the compassion you’re holding them in, so they’ll repel it when you send it their way too and just use it to hurt you. Because your being compassionate will send them into narcy injury mode and they’ll lash out, often at others and always at themselves.
So just…. cultivate that beautiful warm nourishing compassion of yours, and turn that stuff right back at yourself.
The narcissist is not disposable BUT NEITHER ARE YOU, BABE.
So don’t let them dispose of you. Don’t let them cut your parts out. Don’t let them get close enough to capture you in all your glorious living goodness and eat your brain. Because–no ifsandsorbuts–THEY ABSOLUTELY ARE GOING TO TRY. And narcies are some seriously tenacious fuckers, and they’re all dead inside, so they don’t have a lot better to do than plot and scheme against whatever (really, whomever, but you’re not human to them) threatens them.
We all have dead parts. You shed a shocking amount of dead parts every day. Sometimes we just call that exfoliating… so don’t feel ashamed.
BUt shed shed shed, and slough the dead bits off of you before they choke out the living.
You’ll have time to be all dead-like when you’re the real thing. Let’s each cross that bridge when we get to it, yeah?
BIG HUGE ANGERY LOVE,